I rarely talk about my faith and beliefs in this blog because this is not a faith or religion blog. But sometimes, I have to and this is one of them. My faith is a big part of who I am even when I am struggling. It is an integral part of "the good life". For many years I have been focused on what I want, the plans I have for ME. I could get so wrapped up on my own life that I sometimes for to LISTEN to what God wants.
I am always asked, how does God "speaks to you"? Sometimes in mockery and I respect that-- we all are entitled to our opinion. But the truth is that it is more of a feeling and in some cases it does feel like a still small voice. It is an overcoming emotion that comes to you and makes you realize that He is listening to your prayers and answering back.
The past couple of weeks have been pretty go-go-go for me in the professional realm and while I am happy about the future, a part of me felt like something was off. Hard to explain. I have been praying and praying over this, talking to my mother and fiance. Finally yesterday during my morning prayers it came to me.
Right there in from of my face it was: what I thought I always wanted is not what I really want. And more importantly God's plan for me. That moment really rocked me because it was a total 180 from where I was. And the emotions that came with realization were pretty overwhelming. It is so good when the answer comes to you this way.
I actually had this image of Jesus leaning against the door with the sweetest smile on His face saying "It's been there all along. You just had to catch up".
Breaking the news to people who have helped me along the way in my career is going to be hard because they think they know what is best for me. But for once I am choosing my personal life over my job. Gone and finished are the days when I put my personal life on hold and it is time to start living, being a partner and wife, and a mother. And I am really happy and content with that decision.
I have friends wh have hinted that my life as I know it is finished. That I am trading a thriving professional career to be "a mom to kids who are not even my own and to be a farmer's wife". And to them I say, my life is now only beginning. I am finally realizing that I need my people around me more than I need a job. And this man and his kids are "my persons". I am not finished. I am just beginning what I think will be my most rewarding journey so far.